Now, the last summer that we went, we hung out with our family friends a lot. One day, I found this perfect shell on the beach that was by the house. I was so proud of it because it had no cracks or chips or shit on it. It was the perfect shape, perfect size, perfect condition. So I found it and I said "Oh boy, you're coming home with ME!" and I cradled it back to the house. After a perfect day together (me and the shell), I went out for a bit with my sisters and our friends. And our parents went out with their friends. And then we all met back at the house later that night.
Everyone was gathered in the living room, and my parent's friends were talking about shells, which I thought was the perfect opportunity to brag about my new find. I said, "I found a perfect shell! There is nothing wrong with it! No scratches or marks or ANYTHING!" and right at that moment, my dad puts his feet up on the coffee table and everybody hears a very loud crunch. The room went silent and then my dad's friend said, "WAS THAT THE PERFECT SHELL?!" To which my dad actually raises his feet to reveal the roadkill that was my shell.
Then, the whole room ERUPTED in laughter. I however, did not think it was so funny. But I shouldn't be surprised; this is the man that used to step on all of our toys by "accident" when we were little. Like really dad, look where you're going. Or at least apologize without laughing.
So the next morning, my dad came back from his morning walk with a handful of mediocre shells, (they were NOTHING like the one I had) and simply said, "I found these for you..." with a sad look on his face, so I had to forgive him.
This is the same summer that we were all walking around by the lighthouse where we realized my dad was missing. Being a small place as it is, we didn't know where he could have possibly gone. After a while of looking, we heard a "HEY!" from behind us. Upon turning around, we see my dad in the balcony of a house across the street that was being built. When we asked him how the hell he got in, he replied with, "I went in the back door, it was open. You guys gotta check it out up here!" which, we didnt, because I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to do that. But these are things that my dad does. And he does all of these things with a unidentified cup in his hand, which of course, holds rum with a splash of diet coke. That's a side note: never drink a rum and coke made by my dad. Because there is half rum with a little bit of diet coke.
I'm watching the Oscars, and if Natalie Portman doesn't win for Black Swan, shit's going DOWN. If stupid Inception and stupid True Grit and stupid Social Network would just get the HELL out of the way for movies that were actually GOOD and worth seeing and didn't make me want the last two hours of my LIFE back, I'd feel better.
Inception="this is a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream. We're going to do three levels of the dream, then we're going to drive this van off a bridge and it's going to take up half the movie."
True Grit="I'm gonna ride this here horse over them there mountains. You're gonna shoot me and it's gonna make me do a backflip off my gahd damn horse!"
Social Network="Oh hey I had this really good idea and I went with it and then it worked and then Justin Timberlake turned me into a selfish bastard that made me lose all my friends, but it's okay, I can just buy some new ones."
I mean, come on, these movies are not good. Black Swan at least HAD something TO it. Freaking loved that movie. Like a fat kid loves twinkies.
In other news, my sister slapped me in the bum today, and told me that I had a "cute butt jiggle". Which isn't a compliment at all.
ALL RIGHT. I'm out like a boner in sweatpants.
-Jenny
No comments:
Post a Comment