"You are teaching the YOUTH of AMERICA!"

Before I get started, I would like to add a new fact regarding the Shaw's note that was posted in the breakroom. I thought it had said "your self's", which is awful as it is. But yesterday, when I looked closer, it actually says "you're self's". Dear LORD.

"please clean up after you are self's."

I wish people paid attention in school. While we are on the subject of school, I went to my sister's school (that she teaches at) today to help out with some rearrangements in her classroom. She'd probably get mad if I said "help", because all I did was sit around drawing pictures on the whiteboard and making fun of her. And when I wasn't making fun of her, I was making fun of the first graders. Because looking at their work makes me laugh. Because, well, let's be honest. First graders don't know anything. First graders are equivalent to Shaw's employees.

ANYWAY. I picked up this booklet and started reading. This is what the cover says:

"How to mack a snowman." Upon reading this, I actually thought a first grader was about to tell me, via instruction manual, how to make out with a snowman. To which I was only partially interested in. Once I figured that he meant "how to MAKE a snowman", I couldn't help but continue reading. As the instruction manual went on, the boy says that step one is to roll a small snowball. Step two is to roll a medium snowball. Step three is to roll a small snowball. Then he writes, "The End."

So, of course, after I nearly peed myself, I gathered myself and realized that this must be one retarded snowman. Small, medium, small. If somebody actually made a snowman using this method, it would be like the leaning tower of snowmen.

The one thing I did help with was moving my sister's teacher's desk out of her room. Like, completely out. I thought teacher's having desks was normal, but I guess I was dead wrong. She'd rather sit at a desk that is about three inches off the ground. But hey, I am not here to judge. (haha.)

So we pick this desk up and with great difficulty, move it out of the classroom. But of course not before we crash it into the door and leave a dent. Then, I start to get bored. So at this point, I'm just wandering about the room and I open this large closet. This is either where Sally takes her naps when the kids are at recess, or judging by the nametags and hooks, it is where the kids hang their jackets and backpacks. (Let's HOPE. This isn't a Rob Zombie film.) So this closet is completely empty and I call over to my 8 year old cousin (who was there helping as well, although she was helping a HELL of a lot more than I was) and I tell her that she could probably fit in there. She replied with a "yeah I probably could!" and then I, of course, say "wanna give it a shot?"

And it's true. She fit in there. So I figured now would be a good time to call over to my sister Sally and say "you know what? you could probably fit in here too!" Then she just laughed. Then I replied with:

"Wanna give it a shot?"

She ignored me.

So later on, when we all got home, my cousin and Sally were playing "hangman." Kind of a sad game, thinking of that poor stick figure. I can just see him now, as random limbs are added to him due to a stupid letter guess. He'd probably shout something like, "GUESS SOME GODDAMN VOWELS OR SOMETHING!" But anyway, my little cousin says that the word is FIVE letters long and it is a place. And my sister yells out, "BOSTON!"

Of course I laugh and make fun of her. But as the game goes on, it is discovered that there are two O's in a row. So I shout out, "ROOM!"

So it's obvious that both me and my sister are dumb as rocks.

And if anybody was curious as of to what the place was...it was "school". My cousin forgot a letter.

I feel like I make fun of Sally too much, so I will say a little something about Lucy. I think anybody who's anybody knows that she is a Godawful driver. The thing is, she doesn't exactly slow down when she takes turns. My best friend and I used to get a kick out of this. He would say something like, "JESUS, this isn't NASCAR." I'm not sure if she just doesn't know what brakes are, or if she likes to pretend she's Jeff Gordon.

Okay, she definitely thinks she's Jeff Gordon.



-Jenny