So I'm driving along and the moon is shining on the water, and what do I see?! Three or four swans just floating by. It was so beautiful the way that the light from the moon was shining on these white swans. It was so pretty that I stopped my car in the middle of the road to gaze upon them.
Now, as stated above, we are in Carver. A tiny little shitty town that no one really gives a rat's ass about. Plus, everybody that lives in Carver would pretty much be at the only restaurant they have, Cornerstones, getting schmammered and talking to the person next to them as if they were in a train station. Which of course, they are not. ANYWAY, I figure it's no problem if I stop for a SECOND to smile at the swans. But of COURSE, someone has to drive up behind me like they are in the Daytona 500 or whatever the HELL you call it. So they ruined my moment with the swans and now all I can do is come home and listen to a song ABOUT swans.
Anyway, while we are on the subject of shitty Carver, there are so many things I have learned while living in the part of Middleboro that happens to be the unfortunate neighbor to Carver.
1) Everybody wears pajamas in public. I hated kids in college that did this, nevermind grown men that go out in public wearing their pjs. Every day I go out, I can count on both my hands and both my feet (that makes twenty two) the number of grown ups I see in their pajamas.
2) My insulin pump battery ran out at two in the morning, and I didn't have any batteries at the house. The pump needs lithium batteries so I grab my Volvo and say "wow! thank God the Cumbies five minutes down the road is open 24 hours!" and off I went. Upon arriving I can't find the batteries anywhere, so I ask the man behind the counter where his batteries are. They were behind the counter, so he can have them all to himself! (Battery Nazi!) Let me just point out, Carver is a scary place at two in the morning. Luckily, there was only one other man in the store besides me. However, to great disappointment, he was a creepazoid. All I did was ask the Cumbie's clerk if he had any lithium batteries, and he said no. Just regular alkaline batteries. The creepy man waiting behind me had brought it on himself to explain to me that lithium and alkaline were the same; lithium just lasted longer. THEN he giggles to himself and says to me: "I don't wanna know what you need LONG LASTING batteries for!!!" Great. This creepy man thinks I am running out to Cumbies at two in the morning grabbing some lithium batteries for my vibrator. I didn't have the guts to tell him the batteries were for the solo purpose of keeping me alive for the next few years, so I bought the stupid alkaline batteries and left. And I never looked back. (I actually go to this Cumbie's all the time, just not when night falls. Because that's when the pervs come out.)
But anyway, enough about that.
My aunt was telling us about a game that my little cousin plays with her friends. Apparently 8 year old girls fart a lot, and when they do, they shout "not my farties!" and whoever is the last to say it (or not say it), is the one who farted. It's a cute idea, even though everybody is going to know that the first person to say it obviously did it. So she is telling us this story and I turn to my best friend since we were born, Schroeder, and say "hey, we should play that game!" To which of course he responds: "Oh please. With US it would be the other way around. It would be us screaming 'MY FARTIES!'"
Which of course, is what we did for the remainder of the night. I mean, look at us.
Anyway, I will not leave suggesting a single song tonight. I am suggesting an entire album. If you haven't heard I Can Make A Mess Like Nobody's Business "The World We Know", I highly suggest you do so. It was the CD I was listening to when my moment with the night swans was ruined.
-Jenny
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