"It's just like an iPhone! All small and compact! I talk on it like THIS!"

A lot of funny things happened in the past two days. I feel like most of them I would get yelled at for talking about. Not like that has ever stopped me, but I think for the sake of my own life, I'll just talk about the less embarrassing things.

Like my sister, who is a teacher to very young children, tells everyone tonight that a boy was pissing her off in class the other day that she gave him the "evil eye" all day. Now, for some reason, this doesn't seem like a proper teacher thing to do. I mean, if the kid had diarrhea in the middle of the "reading time" carpet, and even after cleaning it up you could still smell it, MAYBE you could give him the evil eye all day, but this kid probably just didn't know what the Hell 2+2 was. He probably said something like "2+2 equals 22" expecting to get a rise out his classmates because honestly, everyone wants to be a class clown. And then my sister gives him the evil eye. JUST TELL HIM THAT THE ANSWER IS 4.

So then this is what happened next. My sister has this thing where every time she is due for a new phone, she gets the shittiest phone she can find. Like, the ones that were cool like 6 years ago. I can just see her shopping for one and saying, "how much is this one with the contract?" and him being like "oh that shitty one? That one is $9.99." and then her saying "GREAT SCOTT! I don't want to pay that much for a phone. I'll just take this free one." And the worst part is...she always thinks it's the coolest phone to ever have walked the earth. She'll be like "hey, check out my new phone," in this wicked cocky/proud voice and I'm the only one that's honest enough to tell her that she probably picked the shittiest phone in the store.

So the one that she has now is a red one that slides up and down. It's not one of those texting phones that slide sideways, it just slides up and down. She thought it was hot shit because it is red. So apparently she didn't know that you could actually operate it (not to mention TALK on it) while the phone was closed. She thought that she had to slide it open every time she wanted to use it. So, after we all erupted in laughter, she starts going on about her new knowledge. "Oh my God! I can talk on it when it's not slid open!? It feels like an iPhone! It's so small now!" To which I couldn't help but laugh because iPhones are probably the biggest phones ever and are nowhere near "small and compact". Her phone (slid OPEN) was probably a lot smaller than an iPhone. But anyway.

So the night went on, laughs were had, Lucy, Linus and I performed a series of slow claps for Sally for tying a bow on a gift, you know, the usual. We all made fun of watching her try to tie this bow and when it was done it came out pretty good. So we all told her that and she was convinced that we were being sarcastic assholes. So she would say something to Lucy like "You're really pissing me off." and all Lucy would say in response was "That's a really nice bow."

So Linus and I went to a rather fancy restaurant tonight. The reason I know it's fancy is because their napkins are cloth and they give you water glasses. It was a lovely dinner, but I felt like I didn't belong there just because I can't be serious. I realized this after I had said the word "jizz" in the middle of a conversation. That's when you know you're not mature enough for a restaurant with cloth napkins. Even if you're basically 23 years old. Lovin life.

I guess this is when you know you haven't matured yet. When you actually look at a Gumby and Pokey figure and think of how cool it would be to put them in this position. And then take time to actually set it up. And then take a PICTURE of it. And then laugh forever.

-Jenny.