"Do you still have Diabetes?"

So a funny thing happened last night. My boyfriend Linus had just gotten three fish and was incredibly excited about them, so when I went to his house, he just had to show me. So, I'm looking at the tank, and I'm saying the usual..."Oh, cute!" and "OOOO look at that one" and then I notice one of them not moving. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that this fish is pretty fucking dead. Like, this fish bit the big one. When I see that Linus is starting to notice that this fish is now swimming with God, I do what any good girlfriend would do. So, of course I throw out a "Oh...it's sleeping." As if that's going to change anyone's mind.

I guess this phrase would have had more of an effect if I didn't start laughing after I said it.

The funny part was, it became the funniest story of the night. He told everyone at the house, and they all laughed. I felt bad, I really did. But, there's just something about not being able to keep a fish alive for two days that is just hilarious.

I remember when I was six years old, all I wanted was a turtle. So, one birthday, my cousin happened to catch a little turtle for me and I kept it as my pet. I had a big tank and everything. I was so happy. The only problem was, I had no friggin idea how to take care of it. (Hence, me being six years old.) So one day, I came home from the first grade and I trampled up to my room "tra la la la" and I was all like "OH YEAH! I have a pet turtle! I wonder how he's been doing these past few days?" and when I looked into the tank I noticed that "Speedy" (that's what I named him, yeah, real original) was in fact, dead as a doornail. I don't mean dead as in he simply passed away, I mean dead as in Speedy's EYES were dried out. His whole body was dried out, and he wasn't Speedy anymore, he was an empty shell. He was a ghost. So I went and informed my mom about Speedy's death, and then I went out to play.

I was like "hey, mom, get that tank out of my room willya?"

I think I care much more about him now than I did back then. I would love to have a turtle now. An alive one.

Because all we have for pets right now are two cats. One of course, I adore. The other, I hate. She's not even our cat, she is a stray. She pretty much comes into our house to eat and that's it, and she doesn't even like to do that. She'll scratch on the door and then when we open it to let her in, she runs away. I yell and swear at her all the time, because it makes me feel better. Maybe it's the lifelong image i'll have in my head of her being a complete whore. This is because I saw her having sexual intercourse with another cat. So now, every time I see her coming out of the woods, I'll say "Did you just have some sex?! Whore." When she finally comes inside, nobody can make a goddamn noise or she'll flip her shit and start running away. It's like "OH I'M SORRY, I ATE A POTATO CHIP A FEW FEET AWAY FROM YOU. DON'T BE SCARED."

This is the cat that I almost hit pulling up in the driveway one day. And was a little disappointed that I didn't.



The song of the day is "Young" by the Summer Set.

-Jenny