So this is what happened earlier today. Now, I've already made it clear what kind of person that Sally is. She is the sister that wakes up every morning at six, no matter what, and annoys everybody until they do what she says. You can call it persistent I guess, but what I call it is a big fat pain in the ass. Speaking with Sally right after you wake up is equivalent to somebody hammering you in the head with a billy club. And if you had been drinking a little bit the night before, the billy club has spikes on it.
So this morning, I wake up around eleven (don't judge.) and Schroeder wakes up shortly after. So we gather on the couch like usual and watch tv. This is about the time when Sally comes in and starts her usual talking/shrieking. This is how it went: "Hey guys! What are you guys doing today? WE SHOULD GO TO LUNCH! Do you guys want to go to lunch? I think we should. I totally think we should. Are you guys doing anything? I'm so excited! I really think we should all go to lunch."
Now, hearing this shortly after you wake up with no coffee, especially hearing it in a voice that only dogs can hear, is not my definition of a good morning. So it's about 11:55 am at this point, and (being the amazing sister that I am) all I can really say is "You need to stop talking until noon. Stop speaking." To which she laughed (she thought I was being funny...I was never more serious about anything in my entire life) and waited until exactly noon to start flapping her lips again. SO, we gave in and went with her.
So Schroeder and I have discovered something, and it is this. He thinks that being called "annoying" is the word that cuts the deepest. I believe it is simply being called "stupid." How did we figure this out? He called me stupid one too many times and I got really upset. And I called him annoying one too many times, and HE got upset. It's funny, because after 22 years of calling each other the worst names in the book, it's words like "stupid" and "annoying" that really bother us. I guess words like "shithead" and "assbag" and "douchelicker" just don't affect us.
So I watched The Shining last night. I felt I had to prove something to myself. It was like an accomplishment. But it was way scarier than I remember it. There is something about Jack Nicholson that creeps my creep out. It's his eyebrows, I swear. But I realized that this small family is the most screwed up family in the world. First of all, Jack Nicholson is a creepy bastard in every movie he is in. In this movie, he is trying to kill his family with an axe. Put the eyebrows and the axe together and you have one deranged man.
Second of all, his wife is probably the ugliest woman on this planet. I don't mean like "oh she is unfortunate looking." I mean like "wow she fell off the ugly tree and hit EVERY goddamn branch on the way down. And once she hit the ground the ugly garden gnome kicked her in the shins." That's a whole new form of ugly.
And lastly, their son. Now, call me crazy for thinking any little boy with an imaginary man named Tony living in his finger is not to be trusted. But there is something about an unstable little boy screaming REDRUM as he stands over his sleeping mother with a knife bigger than he is that makes me want to shut the movie off, curl up into a ball, and cover every goddamn mirror in the house. And at the end of the movie, the mother is constantly trying to save the son from Jack Nicholson. Yeah right, if I woke up to my crazy son standing over me with a knife, I would give him to the axe swinging Jack Nicholson on a silver platter.
Just sayin.
Anyway, I shall retire now. But now I'm thinking about The Shining and I'm all scared. =/ damn.
-Jenny
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