Tying a 20 year old's shoes

So the time change is really dumb. Although the days are going to be longer, I still don't like it. Like how this morning I woke up and looked at the clock next to my bed and said "hmm, 10:30, not bad not bad." But then I realized that it was really 11:30 and I immediately got out of my bed because I felt like the biggest waste of space ever. It's like when you wake up at 10:30 and you're like "hmm, I'm KIND OF a lazy asshole." When you wake up at 11:30...that's when you realize that you're going nowhere in life.

And last night, Shroeder and I were watching TV into the wee hours of the morning and we landed upon the movie "Liar Liar". When we looked at the info, it said the movie was running from 12-3. We saw it and IMMEDIATELY started making fun of it. "Twelve to THREE?! yeah like it's a THREE hour movie?! This isn't LORD OF THE RINGS! pff!"

It wasn't until this morning when we realized that they put 3 am because of the time change. We are dumb as rocks.

Some people really surprise me. Like at work last night, (my favorite place in the world), a 20 year old guy that I work with asked me to tie his shoe. Now, I've never seriously hit anybody before, but I almost did here. I looked at him and I said: "Do you seriously not know how to tie shoes?!"

It is here where he explains that he had two pairs of gloves on, and that's why he couldn't tie a knot. So, still in shock, I kneel down to tie his shoe. After this, he skips away like the fairy that he is and it's not until later that he approaches me and tells me that my knot "didn't hold". It "came undone like...5 minutes after you tied it".

.........

So, I pretty much told him that he was the dumbest person alive and even the ACTUAL retarded person we work with has the BRAINS to take the smart route and wear VELCRO shoes. You know what? if you don't want to/can't tie your own shoes and you are going to CRITICIZE the person who ties them, why don't you get velcro shoes like the rest of your kind? I am so nice to people, and everybody treats me like shit!

The other day I went down the hall to my sister Sally's room, and upon opening the door and looking in, I see her eating Fun Dip. Now, I just want to say that she is 25 years old. Something about this just seems hilarious, so I start laughing as loud as possible because the look on her face was priceless. It was mid "lick" and she had a look like she was caught doing something awful. Fun Dip is her favorite candy, and I remember bribing her to do things for me with promises of Fun Dip. She obeyed.

This is her.

She is wearing a bulletproof vest. She thinks she is bulletproof. She is not.


This is the same girl who had my cat puke in her room not too long ago. So yesterday when she realized that our cat was sleeping in her room, she said: "I don't want that PUKEBAG in my room."

I have never heard anybody refer to something/someone else as a PUKEBAG.


So my dad always asks my best friend to help him with things whenever he is over. So this morning, he packs his things and he says "Okay I'm going to leave before Pig Pen asks me to do anything." And he goes to go out the front door and that is where my father happened to be. So I said "haha! you're going to pass him on your way out!"

And then of course I added: "Make it look like you're in a rush!"

Which I'm pretty sure he did, because there were no trees taken down, or no furniture moved, or no giraffes being tamed. Or whatever my dad's project is for the week that he may need help with.

I think everyone should listen to "All the Wild Horses" by Ray LaMontagne. It is one of the most beautiful songs ever.


-Jenny