"Did you hear that?!" No. "Yeah neither did I."

It was brought to my attention today that people are ASSHOLES.

and speaking of "ass", I've found that in a period of anger, I randomly shout the word "assbag". I do not know what this means, but I realized that yes, it is hilarious.

For instance, I was trying to get a compact disc from the pile on my desk, and the pile fell into an empty wine glass that had been there for a week. The glass shattered on my floor and as I threw the CDs as well on the ground in a fit of rage, I indeed shouted "ASSBAG!" Then I giggled a little bit.

I took this picture while working tonight.

Okay, it's a little small. But funny thing, they spelled "bagels" right the first time, then they spelled it "bagles." Good heavens, I cannot work here anymore. Honest mistake, yeah I guess. But have you retards ever heard of PROOFREADING? No. No you have not. This is why you work in a goddamn grocery store.

I'm adding this picture only because it's funny. She punched me. Look at that fist.

Tonight I told one of my friends that she doesn't have hands, she has "claws". Because she is very short. Like, hobbit short. She also has tiny feet and tiny hands. And tiny fingers. And she has long nails, so her hands actually LOOK like legit CLAWS. She reminds me of a dinosaur; little dino arms.

I hate burping with my mouth closed. Then it goes way up and out my nose.

So I am currently driving my car with no power steering. What's funny is that when I turn the wheel, (when I actually find the STRENGTH to) it sounds like whales moaning. Like, it sounds like the TITANIC going down. It sounds like Hippos during mating season. I actually laugh when this happens. Because if I don't laugh, I'll cry. That seems to be the quote of my life.

ANYWAY- here's this.

It's an apple-pumpkin snowman. A frightened-apple-pumpkin-snowman? I don't know what he was looking at, but he looks very surprised or frightened. This look only reminds me of one thing. Somebody mooned him. He is looking at somebody's naked ass when this picture was taken. That's the only explanation.

It reminds me of a time where me and Schroeder were about five years old. He lived on a somewhat busy street. One day, we were just hanging out in the driveway UNSUPERVISED. (Sidebar: curious as of to why we were ALWAYS unsupervised? It's probably because my mom and Schroeder's mom would always "catch up" ((gossip about who was a slut and who was banging who and who was sleeping with who's husband), while drinking "coffee" ((wine coolers poured INTO coffee mugs.))

Here is how their conversations probably went most of the time: (I'm going to go ahead and call Schroeder's mother Peppermint Patty.)

Peppermint Patty: Did you hear that they might make wine coolers in twelve packs now?
Woodstock: Oh awesome! Not like we drink them out of the bottle anyway, they taste so much better in coffee mugs! Maybe it tastes better because the kids have no idea we are drinking wine!
Peppermint Patty: What kids?
Peppermint Patty and Woodstock: bahahahahaha! (they cheers the coffee mugs)

Now where was I. So Schroeder and I are in the driveway unsupervised and I'm not really sure WHAT the hell we were doing, probably just standing there all retarded-like. This car drives by and before I even know what is happening, Schroeder pulls his pants down and moons this woman behind the wheel.

Now, I don't know what is funnier. The HORRIFIED look on this woman's face as she drove by, or looking at it from her view. Imagine seeing a little boy mooning you and a little girl standing right beside him giggling with her hands over her mouth as you drive by. I'm not sure.

Mooning is funny. Having a five year old moon you is downright hilarious. I wish more than anything that there was a picture of this. There isn't.


-Jenny