Oh yeah, that's legal

So, I was at lunch yesterday with my mom and Schroeder, and we had the bartender that Schroeder has a crush on. Although he has a crush on a lot of people. So of course, he spent the duration of this time to flirt with her. The manager of the restaurant would come into the bar area sometimes and he had a pin on his tie that said "I love my job", but he looked like the most miserable man I've ever seen. So of course, one of Shroeder's questions to this girl was "does your boss REALLY love his job? Or does he just wear a pin that says so?"

So as time goes on I become a part of his search for hot girls. It's not the first time this happens, we do this in Martha's Vineyard pretty much....oh.....every year. He'd be like "Oh my God that blonde sitting in the corner is HOT." and then I would look and say "YEAH she IS, go ask her out!" or my favorite: "is her name Bruce Springsteen? Cause SHE'S on FIRE!" which always guarantees a few laughs.

It is here, in the middle of the restaurant, that my best friend decides to play some fart sounds on his iphone. Now, I'm aware of the fact that there are numerous fart apps out there, and these play extremely funny fart sounds. I've heard them myself. So he starts playing some farts, when the hot bartender was at the other end, and of course I start cracking up because these sound absolutely hilarious. So after hearing about four of these farts, he tells me that these are in fact his. I have trouble believing him because these honestly sound like somebody making fake fart noises, such as when you blow on your arm. But the funny thing is, in the recording of said farts, there is a rustling sound in the beginning, and a rustling sound at the end. So after laughing so hard and catching my breath, I asked the question I already knew the answer to. Which was: "Is that sound you putting the phone up to your ass?" To which he replied: "Haha yeah. It's me getting the blankets out of the way."

So after all this, we stopped for beer on the way home. The fact that I knew the 3 guys working there by name, and they all knew ME by name, makes me feel like an alcoholic. But I am not, I just go to the same store. So we pick up the beer and we start driving home. To be funny, I said, "I feel like cracking one of these open right now!" and of course he says, "Eh, it's Carver. It's legal. You'd be looked down upon if you didn't."


But I didn't, just so everyone knows.

My mother has these glass balls for decoration in a basket on the coffee table. For a few years, I've been trying to get her to let me juggle them, which of course she will not let me do. This has become an inside joke for us. One time, when she went away on a trip with my dad, she actually HID them. So anyway, yesterday I actually picked them up and started juggling them. Just to knock it off the "things to do before I die" list. Then I dropped one. But it didn't break, it just fell and rolled on the ground. When my mom came home, I told her and she flipped out. I laughed.

So anyway. My boyfriend Linus and I were going to Shaw's to get some biscottis for our tea party gathering, and upon parking there, we saw this old woman who looked pretty lost. I mean, I've seen people who forgot where they parked, but not this bad. This woman was going CAR TO CAR and LOOKING inside each car, and then saying "THAT'S not my car." and moving on to the next one. It was very sad/hilarious/scary. When we were walking into the store, we actually saw her getting into her actual car (let's hope) which was on the complete other side of rows of cars she was looking at.

People are just crazy. Kind of like my sister Sally. Sally's boyfriend loves Reeses. And when he gets a bag of the mini Reeses cups, Sally goes through the entire bag and unwraps each and every one for him. Now, in situations like these, I don't know whether to say "awww that's so cute" or "awww have fun in the mental institution, I hear those straightjackets are a blast."

Bam. This is how we do.


-Jenny