"What the hell is in my belly button?! Bird crap?!"

So you know what's funny? The fact that I see my dad in his underwear more than I see him dressed. I've caught him in his underwear in pretty much every room of the house. It's funny because he decides to change in the dining room most of the time. Which is out in the open. Sometimes, if you DON'T catch him changing in the dining room, you'll see the aftermath, such as his pants on the floor.

The funniest thing is, is that he does underwear situps. On the floor of his room, with the door wide open. I mean, Schroeder happened to be going to the bathroom at the wrong time, saw dad ON THE FLOOR in his UNDERWEAR and thought he was having a heart attack. Which, to me, is completely understandable. But no, dad was just doing half naked situps.

I mean, I do weird shit all the time too. But I have the brains to shut the goddamn door.

So we got this cooler float, that floats around the pool and stuff. It's obviously made for beer. So Sally's boyfriend, well, now fiance, put a bunch of beers in the cooler and put it in the pool. But we weren't in the pool, we were just sitting by it. So when he wanted a beer, he would wait for it to make its round. Like, "oh it's on the other side of the pool, i'll wait for it to come back closer to this side."

It was here that I realized how different he treated the beer float cooler than Schroeder and I did. Here is why:

While Sally's fiance waits for the beer float cooler to make it around the pool when he wants another one, Schroeder and I are actually IN the pool, and we HOLD ON to it. Like if we don't hold onto it, it will float away. Haha, how far is the thing gonna go?! The SHALLOW end?! Obviously that is too far for us. It's like, "What if we want another beer?! It's ALL THE WAY at the other end of the pool!?! Well, I can't WAIT."

So, this following story will be funnier if you actually know my dad. On saturday night, we were all hanging out outside by the pool. My dad scored a bottle of Limoncello from somewhere unknown, and he poured a shot glass for everyone. So, while I was handed my trusty old Ramones shot glass, Schroeder was right next to me, and he was handed a Mickey Mouse shot glass, about as old as I am. So my dad says this to him, 100% serious:

"Hey, don't break this okay? It's Mickey Mouse."

My dad doesn't care about much in the world, but apparently the shitty Mickey Mouse shot glass makes the cut.

-Jenny