That building with no windows says "adults only!" that's where we want to go!

So. Today Lucy took Schroeder and I on an adventure. She said it was a surprise, so we were obviously scared. We were also scared because of her driving. So we had no idea where we were going, and we had been driving for about an hour. Of course, Schroeder (in the front seat) and I (back seat) were texting the entire time.

These are actual texts:

Schroeder: "What the (bad word) kind of decrepit shithole is she taking us to?!"
Me: "I don't know, but we're gonna get raped either way."

and then:

Schroeder: "If we're going to a vineyard I'm going to bury Lucy under it."
Me: "If she asks us if we want to stop at another mcdonalds ONE MORE TIME I'm going to order a supersized SHUT THE HELL UP."
Schroeder: "Haha, I'm gonna tell her yes cause I need a coffee if we're going to drive all night."

and so it went.

So we're driving driving driving and we pass the Newport Storm Brewery. With my face glued to the window, I instantly wished we were there. So I said, "Oh man! A brewery! So cool." and Lucy then said "What?! Where did you see that?" and I said "The Newport Storm Brewery was back there, we just passed it. Wait. Is that where we're going?!" and apparently, it was.

So we took a tour and learned all about brewing beer. The guy that was giving the tour was talking about how much he drinks on the job, and of course I instantly wondered A) how weird is that, and B) why the HELL don't I work here?

Anyway, we got to sample four different beers of theirs, and this is what happened on the ride home. He was mad because the radio DJ had interrupted his song with a laugh.

So after we got home, my dad decides to tell a story about his day. Which is always interesting in its own way. So while he was trimming every goddamned tree in our yard, apparently he destroyed the home of some bees. I mean WHAT?! Bees live in TREES?! So he's up on this ladder I guess, and they start swarming him. There were about "a thousand bees coming at me" so he started to run. The funny thing is, he said these exact words. "I was too fast for them." Here's an even funnier thing. He was stung four times in four different places. I've only seen my dad run about two times in my 23 years of living. Once was when he set the entire woods on fire, and the other time was when he forgot he was cooking on the grill. So apparently he pissed off these bees and then later on in the day, when everyone was home, he decided to revisit it. Let me remind you that, there were still a shitload of bees swarming around the ladder he was on. But what should we do? Keep trimming the tree, that's what we should do. Oh, my 9 year old cousin is here? No dad, keep whacking that beehive, it's just such a good idea.

Anyway, here's this:

Okay, so it may be true. But it's not like they have to rub it in. God damn you, Snapple caps of beer.

-Jenny