"I just farted, picked my nose, and burped, all within 35 seconds. I love being a guy."

So today, all me and Sally did was watch Jersey Shore DVDs and drink wine. Then I went to work.

The other day was funny, because, Sally and I were talking about Sylvia Plath. I know everybody makes suicide jokes about her, but I am a really big fan. So I tell Sally that she committed suicide by sticking her head in the oven. And all Sally has to say is this:

"You mean she COOKED her HEAD?!"

Oh yeah Sally, didn't anyone tell you? One day Sylvia Plath was all like "you know what? I bet my head would make a really good cake! I'm just gonna pre heat the oven to 375 and see what happens. Come and eat, kids!"

So anyway. This is what I do on NHL '11. It's pretty intimidating if you ask me. I kick people's asses. I make them wish they were never born. I put their elbows where their knees should be.

So it's hard being the best. So when I start a season on this game, I do really well. But the game senses when I'm doing really well, because then it freezes and all my shit is erased. You know, if it happened only once, I'd understand. It's a disc, maybe there's a scratch or a smudge or WHATEVER. But no, I think it's happened.....oh I dunno....7  times? I keep having to start over and I can just feel the game LAUGHING at me. I would imagine the game to have a stupid clown laugh. Like the clown at the mini golf course in Happy Gilmore. After it erases all the progress I have made, I think about how much I want to take the disc and break it in half over my knee. Then I realize that I've already done this in the past. Friggin Tony Hawk's Pro Skater Underground for PS2. The game was scratched to oblivion. One day I just had enough and I SNAPPED that disc CLEAN in HALF. Only, breaking a disc seems easy, but it's really not. I struggled with it for a good 10 minutes. I'm glad there were no witnesses. Because seeing a heated grown woman try and snap a simple disc in half and NOT succeeding is just really sad.

Once I finally broke it, which wasn't the way I had planned, I threw it in the trash, flipped it off, and said, "Hate you, Bitch." And then the next day I went out and bought a new copy.

Anyway. My dad was raking TREES today. Yeah. Trees. Because you know, they need a good combing every now and then.

Here is my boyfriend and he is very special.

Two suggestions.

Song: Incubus "I Miss You."
Poem: Sylvia Plath "Mirror"

Do it.

-Jenny.