"I like putting my face in your armpit."

So my sister Sally asked me today "what book I was currently reading", to which I replied, "Alice in Wonderland." Then she said this and I kid you not: "I wish I could be as cool as you." And she was 100% serious.

So I begin to wonder what is so "cool" about Alice in Wonderland. Because if you ask me, I'd actually say it's the opposite of cool. I think it's downright nerdy. Although it seems pretty cool to read it and ponder to yourself this: "what kind of drugs was Lewis Carroll on when writing this book? Because every goddamned sentence makes me wonder who the HELL would EVER think of this? I feel like it's the cast of MTV's "Skins" that wrote this book.

So then I asked Sally what SHE was reading, to which she replied with "some cooking magazine." Some things just never change.

So I was telling Linus earlier today that my sisters had told me before that out of all the Kardashian sisters, Chloe reminded them of me. Upon hearing this, I remembered getting very upset. Why? Because Chloe is a big girl. Also, she's not that pretty. Also, she's like the Green Giant. We're talking like Jack and the Beanstalk shit here. Here is what she looks like.

Or this.

Whatever. My sisters then clarified that it wasn't her looks that reminded them of me, but I digress. (By the way, I never knew what this word meant. "Digress". When people said, 'I digress', I had no idea what in the HELL they were talking about. Yup. English major right here. I looked it up just now and I'm still not even sure if I'm using the phrase correctly.)

Quick subject change. A few nights ago I walked into Sally's room and noticed a potent smell that I only smelled in her room. So upon entering, I said, "Something smells like moldy cheese in here," and without even thinking about it, she said "You know, I think it MIGHT be my feet...?" Like she already knew, she was just waiting for someone to say something. So then we noticed that my cat was in the doorway, so we started to call for her to come into the room. Which of course, she wouldn't. So Sally then says "She never actually comes IN my room, she just always stands outside of it." Then I said, "That's because your room smells like asshole."

And she wonders why Diego pukes in her room. It's because it smells like asshole. Sally's feet after a long day of teaching first graders.

By the way-I found this while I was getting a picture of the Green Giant for my Chloe Kardashian reference. Enjoy.

-Jenny