The Vancouver Canucks can cry themselves to sleep tonight

So we won the Stanley Cup. I'm so glad because the Canucks are probably the dirtiest players ever. They make that douchebag team in D3 Mighty Ducks look like saints. And they were assholes.

So I have this new tee shirt. It's probably going to be the tee shirt of the summer, on account of how amazing it is:

Yes. It is Goldilocks funneling a beer like it's her JOB. Who the HELL wants porridge when you can chug a beer with three bears?!?! Who the HELL even eats porridge anymore? Is porridge the same as oatmeal? I like the world porridge.

But yes. I paid 4 dollars for this shirt and it will be with me always.

So I saw this picture in Rolling Stone magazine. I don't know if me explaining it will be enough but I will try. As many of you know, Selena Gomez and Justin Beiber are a thing now. So the picture is of them at some sort of beach making out, and Justin is totally holding on to her ass. Let me say this first: I like Selena Gomez (deal with it.) and I HATE Justin Beiber. So it's like, why are you letting this sixteen year old grab your ass? This is obviously the first ass he's grabbed, (a girl's ass, that is) and this is obviously his first kiss (with a girl, that is). And it gets to a point where I want to scream at her. "WHY ARE YOU MAKING OUT WITH JUSTIN BEIBER?! YOU KNOW HE'S GOING TO BE GAY IN 3-5 YEARS, WHY WASTE YOUR TIME?!"

I obviously can't make any "robbing the cradle" jokes, but honestly Selena, he hasn't even hit puberty yet. He still sounds like Elmo when he talks.

So I'm thinking this summer I'm going to be more cool. I say "more" because I know I already am a great deal of cool. But anyway, I'm GOING to get a ukulele, I'm GOING to carry it around in a Hemp backpack, and I'm GOING to play hacky sack like every day. I'm also going to act like I know how to play the harmonica. Maybe I'll get a tattoo. You can't put a limit to this summer's objectives.

So anyway, I've been reading "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and so far, it's exactly like the movie. But it includes illustrations by Ralph Steadman, and this makes me smile.

I suggest everyone listen to "Tonight You Belong to Me" by Eddie Vedder.

Now.

-Jenny