So THAT'S what happens when you eat too much sugar free gum.

So, I was thinking about memorial day LAST summer. I would have to say it goes down as one of the funnest/greatest days of my life. We all drove out on Duxbury beach with the Jeeps and stayed there all day. This is what it looked like.

Here is another picture.

You can see from behind my sister that jeeps line up for miles. It was very hot this day and why Sally is dressed like it's February is beyond me. Anyway.

So, as any normal human being would know, spending an entire day at the beach has some downsides. Such as peeing. Because if you're too much of a sissy to go in the cold water, you're out of luck. Well, especially if you're a girl. This was not a problem for me because I had the stones to go into the water and do my pee there. And everybody was drinking pretty heavily (when I say "everybody", I pretty much mean Schroeder and I.) So all in all, beer+no bathrooms=not only are you going to have to pee every five minutes, you're really going to have nowhere to do it.

So Schroeder's mom, Peppermint Patty, would NOT go in the water WHATSOEVER. When I asked her what she had planned to do for her pee, (seeing as how we had only been there for about an hour, and it was still around 11am) this is what she replied with: "I want to dig a hold in the sand, squat over it with a towel around me and do it like that. Then I'll just cover it up when I'm done!"



.....Now, I've never heard anyone propose an idea quite like this in my entire life. Once I had told her sternly that "you want to do what CATS do with their poop", she still thought it was a pretty solid idea. She thought I was crazy for thinking it was a crazy idea. You're talking about DIGGING a HOLE, PEEING in it, then COVERING it back up! And you have the nerve to tell me that's NORMAL? Yes it is. It is normal for a CAT.

This is what normal people do at the beach. You have to pee? Go in the water. Don't want to pee alone? Grab a friend!

Every five minutes: "Do you have to pee?" "Yeah." "Okay let's go."

There were many other things that happened that day. We thought Dennis Wideman was with the group that was beside us, we played football pass and had a random guy start playing with us, and some things were said that probably wouldn't be said if alcohol wasn't a factor. i.e. this is my best friend saying what he would do if he happened to be gay.

As you can see, he isn't just "saying", he is pretty much CONFESSING. And as you can see, Sally doesn't care.

But anyway, as the day went on and more fun was had, I forgot about Peppermint Patty and her pee problems. I had told her earlier in the day that if she peed like a cat, I would not talk to her anymore. I don't really know how she managed that day, and I never really asked. All I know is that we were there from 10:30 am to 5:30 pm, she had a lot of wine (or were they Zimas?!) and she never went in the water. If she had peed in the sand, I wouldn't know it because she covered it back up.

Anyway, onto something else. I would like to talk about a conversation my dad and I had the other day. For some odd reason, my dad had told my mom that he would go to the grocery store for her. Everybody was shocked, mainly because once my dad goes into a grocery store (or any store for that matter, besides Lowe's) and doesn't know what to do. My dad walks into grocery stores, finds the nearest employee (hopefully) and GIVES them the list. He's one of those "here's my grocery list, here is my basket. I'll wait at the checkout for you. What do you say, like, five minutes?" Now, I'm not saying my dad is completely lost, I'm just saying he's definitely one of those people who walks up to a person in a shaw's shirt with a nametag on, and says "do you work here?"

So of course while he is gone we get a bunch of phone calls. I had made the mistake of putting "Triscuit crackers" on the list. So he calls me and this is how our conversation goes.

Me: Do you need to know where they are?
Dad: No I found them, I'm standing right in front of them.
Me: Okay, so what's the problem?
Dad: There's...a million different kinds.
Me: Dad I just want the original.
Dad: Just the original Triscuit crackers? There's parmesan, sundried tomato, cracked peppercorn...
Me: No just the original.
Dad: Okay. There's the original Thin Crisp?
Me: DAD, the ORIGINAL TRISCUIT CRACKER. No thin crisps. No triangles. They are original square crackers.
Dad: Okay, original Triscuit Crackers. Got em.

I'm aware that people can get easily confused when it comes to a product with many different kinds, but really. Maybe like baby food, but not the original triscuit crackers.

-Jenny