haha that ref got punched in the face.

So yesterday was just a series of unfortunate events. I don't know anyone over the age of ten that has had a soda explode all over the place, but it happened to me. There is a compartment/drawer in our fridge that, for reasons unknown, freezes sodas when they are in there for a little while. So I take a mountain dew out, completely missed the fact that the can was ROCK HARD, and opened it. It exploded everywhere. Soda is sticky. I don't like sticky.

Then Linus and I were leaving to go play frisbee in Plymouth. We get in my car and I start to back up, going at a steady speed, because honestly, I got this down pat. Suddenly I realize, over extreme turbulence and a hideous sound, that I have indeed run over the rock wall.

Now, I have never done this before. Schroeder has done it many times. Too many times to count. I'm pretty sure everyone else in my family has done it, as well as a handful of visitors. I'm pretty sure my dad has never done it because of the following reasons:

1) He worships the rock wall. He built it and he loves it more than he loves rum.
2) Apparently he'd rather smash into my car than smash into the rock wall.

These are facts.

So anyway, a few rocks fell off, but we put them back in their place. Then, during frisbee, I threw harder than planned, and it was slowly sailing off towards the bushes. I thought they were bushes. They weren't. They were thorn bushes. So Linus runs into them, and bleeds.

Now, I'm not a "thorn bush expert", but I'd have to say that these were mother thorn bushes. The thorns were the size of my fingers. Just sayin.

So then, I go to pick up beer for the weekend. Once again I will say that this is the store that every single employee knows me. So I go to the back and take what I need out of the cooler, and I hear a small crash. Now, I'm not even sure what I did or how I even did it, but what I can guess is that a case of beer fell from the back of the cooler and onto the floor back there. I couldn't see it, but that's what might have happened. So I choose to ignore it because if anything did happen, it was not visible on the outside. So I go back up to the front of the store and one of the guys jokingly said "are you breaking stuff?" and I just smiled back at them and said "what? no?" How did they know? Was it really that loud!? Haha, I realized that when they go back there and find whatever mess I made, they're gonna know it was me. Maybe I should stay away for a while.

Honestly, I do NOT look like a troublemaker.


So I was on the couch with my sister Lucy and my mom, Woodstock last night. We all had out phones out and were looking at youtube videos. It is here where my mom comes out with: "What does that say? Ugh I can't read." She meant she can't read without her glasses, but we burst into laughter just because it sounded funny. So then she tries to type into youtube on her phone "babies burping" because she thought those would be funny videos. Now, the iphone font is extremely small. Not for us, I mean for old people. So I already know that she will have a lot of trouble typing correctly.

So this is how it goes. Mom spends an hour typing two words into her phone and then she says "it says no videos? how is that possible?" and here I am thinking that if you want to see babies burping, there would obviously be a ton of videos. So I'm all like, "really? let me see that." so she hands me her phone and what do I see in the search box? Yes, my mother has in fact typed in "babies buprimg." I laughed so hard I didn't think I was going to stop. It reminds me of when I go to the eye doctor every year and they dilate my eyes. I've tried to send text messages before but they always turn out to be jumbled letters.

She got up and got her glasses after that. Wise decision.


-Me