Boys use toilet paper when they go #1. Oh...you didn't know that?

Okay, so. The first thing I would prefer to discuss is probably the fact that my 25 (almost 26) year old sister thought that guys use toilet paper when they pee. Upon hearing this, I was almost as shocked that she was actually serious as she was when she found out that they didn't. This is how it happened. We were outside having a campfire last week and her boyfriend was talking about how he just wanted to pee outside rather than go inside and do it. It's here that Sally says, "Why would you want to go outside? There's no toilet paper outside."

Now, sometimes I don't know whether she's serious or not. I waited it out in complete silence, then realized that she really thought this, THEN I bursted out in laughter. Her boyfriend didn't think that it was as weird that she didn't know this as much as I did. I think he just felt bad for her.

But honestly. Boys wiping their hmm hmms with toilet paper after they take a wiz? Come on now.

So I worked tonight for five hours and I only saw TWO people in their pjs! That's still a lot by the way. Once again Carver, people in their scummy pjs just go on to prove that you are a dirty, scummy town. People from Carver make me think of those people who chew on pieces of straw. Who also wear denim overalls without a shirt underneath them, and who drive shitass pick up trucks with mismatching doors and a bunch of shit in the bed of it (probably dead bodies). And who scream country songs as they drive them slowly down Carver roads.

No offense though. People from Carver are just wonderful.

So I've noticed that my dad likes to repeat himself. And I'm sure that everyone knows this already. He comes in the house the other day and he said that he was going to the "halifax package store" about six times in one minute. #1) Who the HELL calls it a package store anymore?! It's "the beer store" and #2) WE KNOW! We heard you the first time, and the second time, and the third time, and the fourth time, and the OMG JUST GO ALREADY!" I've never met anyone who actually NARRATES their life like this. Actually, I'm pretty sure nobody narrates their own life. My dad does. He thinks his life is a story. It most certainly is not.

One time, Schroeder asked Sally what a "seafood salad" was, and she replied with "oh you know, it's a salad...with seafood in it." This is how she explains things, and she is a 1st grade teacher.

So a weird thing happened last week, and it was this. We had just got done golfing and we went out to lunch. I really had to pee and had kept it in for a while on the golf course, so when I got to the bathroom I peed and it went on for about ten minutes. When it was streaming, I heard someone come in. When I exited the stall, I saw that it was an old lady. I washed my hands and she turned to me and said something like " It's really good, huh?"

Of course I don't know what to say because she is obviously crazy. So I just awkwardly laugh as she leaves. Was she talking about my hour long pee? Or was she talking about how insane she was? Or was she talking about how good taking a piss in her Depends was? I bet that's nice.

My best friend.


Love, Jenny