The ABC's of Literature. Or Something Like It.

Okay, so I had this fantabulous idea to write only a few sentences on my favorite books. Most of them are classic literature, while some of them are just my favorites, and some of them are just books that I thought should be included to sound smart. Now, keep in mind, while I did read almost all of these, (and am a huge fan of), there are some that I eventually got bored with and stopped reading. Because honestly, I would rather watch paint dry.

So, some of these are my opinions, some are "do's and don't's", some are common sense, and some are "things learned". But let's dive the fuck in, shall we?


1) Wuthering Heights-Everybody is miserable. And as far as names go...there are way too many "Cathy's". Heathcliff is a total badass and so is his name.
2) The Great Gatsby-Rich people are assholes. Except for Gatsby. Also, the ONE time he wants to use his pool...
3) Rebecca-Your husband is a fucking WEIRDO. Actually, you're kind of a weirdo too...
4) Jane Eyre-Being innocent sucks. Stop being so naive, and don't mix business with pleasure.
5) Lolita-You're gross, Humbert Humbert. That is all.
6) The Bell Jar-You know you're fucking crazy when you're not allowed to look in a mirror. And when you date a guy named "Buddy".
7) The Catcher in the Rye-Calls everybody "morons", when he is the biggest "moron" himself. Also, take more care of a record that you've been looking for forever.
8) Walden-Living in the woods by yourself is fucking cool.
9) Howl-It's pretty cool to be gay and provocative.
10) On the Road-Take a road trip for fuck's sake. It seems like fun and you might meet some cool people.
11) Oedipus Rex-Don't fuck your mother.
12) The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn-Please don't use that word.
13) Frankenstein-Don't create something that you can't handle, idiot.
14) To Kill a Mockingbird-Don't go near creepy houses.
15) The Death of a Salesman-I didn't fucking read this book because it was boring as HELL.
16)The Scarlet Letter-Don't sleep around. Terrible things will happen.
17) Any Robert Frost poem-He likes snow and the woods, OKAY?!
18) The Metamorphosis-You never now what your family really thinks of you until you wake up and you've turned into a huge bug.
19) Anna Karenina-Not unlike The Scarlet Letter, DON'T be a slut. The other guy will always be a dick.
20) Romeo and Juliet-Before you kill yourself, JUST FUCKING WAIT! That's what you get for assuming...
21) Hamlet-Don't drink something that was given to you by someone who has a problem with you.
22) The Fall of the House of Usher-Don't visit your friends when they're fucking insane. And don't help them bury their sister when she never really died.
23) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas-Say off drugs...Seriously, you'll see a bunch of shit thats not there. Like birds.
24) The Canterbury Tales-Can anyone understand this shit>!