Awkward Conversations and the World Ending

Hello friends.

Let me just start off this post with the weather lately. This is me impersonating the weather lately. RAIN SUN SLEET SNOW WARM FREEZING SNOW RAIN SUN

This only means one thing to me: THEWORLDISENDING ANDWE'REALLGONNADIE.

In other news, I spent a shit ton of money the other day to buy the iPhone 5s. Which means I will be eating Ramen Noodles in a dark room by myself for the next year. (Not like that's any different from what I do now.) But here's the funny part, I didn't even realize that I finally had Siri!

So the first thing I asked her was "where to hide a body", to which she was not amused. Then I asked her if she'd like to have sex with me, and she calmly told me that "she had everything she needed". Okay, point made and received. Bitch.

So I had this problem recently. For the radio station, we go up to ski resorts in New Hampshire to do events. They told us from the get go that carpooling was encouraged. But the last weekend, I had to take the company van up. Which is no problem. But a guy I work with wanted to come with me, which isn't really a problem either. But he didn't meet me at the Globe parking lot. He wanted me to "pick him up on the way". So I did.

Here's my issue. It wasn't exactly on the way. Here is what I did getting to New Hampshire that day.

1) Drive an hour to the Globe.
2) Drive an hour from there to pick num nuts up at his house.
3) Drive another 2 1/2 hours to Bretton Woods.

Oh and he's annoying. And smoked cigarettes in the van. And I hate the smell of cigarettes. Basically I just wanted to push  him out.

If you're going to tell me that you can't meet me at the Globe and that your house is on the way, and then it really isn't, then fuck you. I mean, my definition of "on the way" is me slowing down to a minimum of 40 mph on the highway, and you're running on the side to catch up and jump in the van. I'm going to call you when I'm 5 minutes from where you are, and THAT'S when you're going to start running to gain momentum to jump in. That's what "on the way" means.

In other awkward news, my mother told the poor woman at the AT&T store that I've re-read the 50 Shades of Grey series "about ten times."

First of all, that's super embarrassing, for the sole purpose of that they are about hardcore S&M sex. And you're telling a complete stranger that I basically spend all my days and nights reading degrading, sexual, abusive, "every page is a hardcore porno" books. AND SECOND OF ALL, I've only read the series TWICE. That's probably once more too many, but whatever, I enjoyed them.

...Not like that.


Anyway, my brother in law Franklin used to make fun of people who pretended like their dogs could talk. The other day I was leaving their house and I said "bye Colby!" and Franklin said "say goodbye to Jenny, Colby!"

I just want to let everyone who talks to their dogs as if they could talk back...THEY CAN'T. THEY JUST CAN'T. Am I looking for a "goodbye" from Colby when I leave? NO. I say goodbye to Colby and he just does his "dumb guy" stare and I leave. And that is that.


-Jenny