The one time I was referred to as "insightful" was on the beach one night in Martha's Vineyard.

I am writing this blog during the day because tomorrow we will be leaving for Martha's Vineyard and although we are bringing a computer, I might just not want to write in it.

When are we leaving for MV tomorrow you ask? My dad has informed me that we will be leaving at 5:15 am. What's that? "Wow that's early" you might be saying to yourself. And you are absolutely right because we can't check into the house until 3 pm. Now, I love lugging my bags around the island for 9 hours as much as the next person, but seriously dad. This is one of the many times that I wish my dad would just get a grip on reality. Is it completely necessary for us to get to MV at 6 am? Shit no.

But this is coming from the man who packed for this trip exactly one full week ago. He basically had his bags packed and by the door last week. Now, I understand that he is excited, so I'm totally not going to judge him by saying that he's completely off his rocker and needs to be shot with a tranquilizer gun.

But I'm sure there will be many stories to tell when this week is through because I have never been to MV without having a million things that have made me almost pee myself with laughter. Like how my dad wanted to eat ice cream and goldfish at the same time. And when he couldn't open the carton of goldfish, got extremely frustrated and told me to open it, because he just "couldn't friggin figure it out." It's a carton of goldfish, dad. Come on. Or the many drunken UNO games, or how Schroeder broke the car door, or sitting on the private little beach in the back of the house. The nights that I spent sitting on that beach on a beach chair with my best friends have been the best nights of my life, and I wouldn't give them back for anything.

So we have this game called "Things" which I'm pretty sure I've talked about before. Hopefully I haven't told this story yet. Oh well. If I have you can just SHUT UP and listen to it again. So we were all playing the other night, and the card that we chose was "Things that you'd make a robot do for you". So among many inappropriate answers, (cough Schroeder), we read Sally's answer. And that was this:

"Go to the bathroom."

So, like 90% of what Sally says, we didn't know what the christ she was talking about. And to be honest, we still don't. How would you have a robot go to the bathroom FOR you? And second of all, is going to the bathroom really that much of an inconvenience?! Like, "OH my GOD, I have to pee AGAIN! This is such a pain in the ass. They should have a MACHINE that does this FOR you. God!"

Now, I know I make fun of her a lot, and at times I do feel bad. But this is honestly too good to pass by. So she comes home the other day with a bag full of stuff and she BRINGS it to me and says "I know you'll make fun of me for this. You might actually be speechless." What did she have? A huge BINDER that she was going to organize her coupons in. It wasn't like a standard binder, this binder had more compartments than an airplane. It looked like you could put straps on it and turn it into a backpack. And that's not the worst part. She then starts filling this binder with baseball card sheets. "They fit perfectly!" she said. Surprisingly, that's STILL not the worst part. She got dividers to divide her coupons. So when she goes to Shaw's with this obvious monstrosity, she will know what coupons are for deli, produce, seafood, grocery, bakery, and dairy. Once again, I don't want to judge, so I will go on the record saying that she is NOT completely insane, and NOT mentally unstable.

.........NOT mentally unstable.

So later on in the evening when she was talking about how she thought something my cousin got was cool, but she wouldn't pay 12 dollars for it, there was a long pause, to which I thought was the perfect time to throw in a "...why don't you get a coupon?"

To which I got a punch on the shoulder. And if you think that scrawny Sally's punches don't hurt, you're wrong. Her bony hands could punch a hole through your soul.

I'm going to inform you all of a song/poem/short story of the week!

Song: "The Great Estates" by Freelance Whales

Poem: "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg

Short Story: "Love Begins in Winter" by Simon Van Booy.

P.S. I'm still having major issues with this scrabble game for the iphone.

Whatever. These are obviously not the droids they were looking for.

-Jenny