It started of with our drive to the ferry to get to the Vineyard. We were stuck in traffic and we see a car with a bike rack on the back. This is where Sally said, "I can't ride a bike." Then after we laughed in her face, she corrected herself with, "Well, I can, I'm just scared."
Having fears is one thing, and I really hate to make fun of people's fears. But when you're 26 and you are scared to ride a bike without training wheels, you're kind of asking for it.
This is the same girl that says "oh CRUM" when she gets mad.
So then we had to stop at this store in Falmouth so she could meet this children's book author that she's a huge fan of. Of course, she was the oldest person in there, and he was doing story time. Even my little cousin didn't care much for what he had to say. So Schroeder and I were just waiting outside for her, and we were sitting on a bench. Then, I felt it move, and for a second I thought that we were going to break this bench. Which wouldn't do much for my self esteem. So I said "I think this bench just creaked," and then I turned to Schroeder and said "unless you farted and that was the vibration..." to which he started laughing and said, "yup."
So anyway, we eventually got to the Vineyard and did a bunch of daytime drinking; the best kind. It's funny, because every summer we go to the Vineyard, there are no rules and no judgement from anybody. If you want to have a beer for breakfast at 8:30 in the morning, you can. Hell, there'd be a few people that would JOIN you. If you did that here, at home, you'd get ripped a new asshole. Your brain would be kicked into your intestines. Just saying.
But anywho. A bunch of things happened over the week, Schroeder fell asleep outside for a good hour the first night, then was very surprised when I told him so the next morning. "I did WHAT?" My dad narrated his life like he always does after we made a rule for "no narrations." ("I'm going to heat up that pizza for lunch." "I'm going upstairs to the balcony." "I'm going to the bathroom." etc etc)
Speaking of my dad, here is what he was up to for most of the week.
That's my dad on the left, you can't see it from this ridiculous picture, but he is in fact wearing a plaid orange shirt with different plaid shorts. After months of my sisters and I telling him that he can't mix plaids, he still does.
Here he is showing Lucy and her boyfriend how he swings a golf club, using a simple household broom.
One funny story comes to mind when I think back on the week. I was at the beach with Linus and Schroeder, when we saw a girl that we had seen a few times before on the same beach. And she was always by herself. And she was cute, so I thought that Schroeder should ask her to hang out. He thought that was too forward, so we were joking around about how to get her to come over. I said that I should say "Hey, come hang out with us! Our girl-to-boy ratio is uneven, and I don't want people to think I'm a slut. Can you help me out?"
It is here that we noticed that the bottom of her boob was out. It wasn't as bad as it sounds, it's not like you could see anything. Just a little bit of the bottom. Nothing too drastic. So it was here that the real jokes started. "Oh, she's OBVIOUSLY doing that for you, Schroeder. She's all like 'Hey, do you like my side boob? Well you should, cause it's a nice side boob.'" We were kind of sitting somewhat near her, and we were talking about her as loud as we wanted to, because she had her headphones on. Then I thought of how funny it would have been if she wasn't listening to anything. Like if the bottom of her headphone jack wasn't plugged into anything. CAN YOU IMAGINE?! Hah!
Then these two old men with saggy bums came and blocked our view of her. Linus, Schroeder, and I briefly wondered if they were looking at her underboob too, then Linus said "probably not, they are probably checking out the old ladies over there." Then came the impressions of the old men.
"Oh my god, look at her wrinkly ass."
"Look at her turkey neck. That is hot! I am READY for THANKSGIVING. Gobble gobble!"
We are not mean people.
I helped out with getting things ready for Sally's classroom today, and Linus and I were trying to think of a good "Welcome" message for the kids.
Here is what we came up with.
I don't know how to flip this, but you can probably read it anyway. If not, you're pathetic.
and then this.
Surprisingly, she decided that these were not appropriate for the classroom. There is no pleasing her.
On a side note, there must be something wrong with me, because I recently purchased a Chris Brown cd and an Akon cd. I never really liked Chris Brown, but I started to like him a little bit more ever since he punched Rihanna. Too soon?
-Jenny
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