"Coupons" are not pronounced "cue-pawns". I don't care what anybody says.

So this weekend we did the traditional "father-daughter" Christmas shopping trip. Ever since we were little girls, my dad took us to Mamma Mia's to get pizza, then we would go to the mall to get my mom a Christmas gift. Now, far into our adulthood, we are still doing it. Although now it's more like a "Jesus CHRIST can we get a DRINK with our pizza?!" and "Can we make this quick? I've already shopped for everyone, which makes this unnecessary."

But yeah, I previously talked about my sister Sally and her godforsaken coupons. And how she has a binder of them. And how she buys things that she doesn't really need only because she has a coupon. For Chrissakes, Sally would buy DIAPERS if she had a coupon for them. Or ADULT diapers.

So I witnessed this first hand on our shopping trip. We were at Target, and Sally had a magazine and a book that she put up on the counter. Next thing I know, she has two packages of AA batteries that she throws up there too. (Side note: Sally is the ONLY person above the age of 10 that STILL gets distracted by the things that are put in that small section at the checkout while you're waiting in line.) So once she picks up these batteries, I give her a weird look and say "Are you SERIOUS?" She then says this to me: "Just watch, Jen. Just WATCH how I don't spend any money," and smiles like she's ten years old.

I guess it's much worse when she's at the grocery store. Because THEN she brings a STACK of coupons. I previously told her that speaking from experience, the cashier is going to "HATE her". She then assured me that "no, the girl likes me. She always asks me where I get my cuepawns". And here I am thinking, there is just no way that a cashier could like ANYONE with a stack of coupons that thick.

Anyway, on to the next sister.

I was going out somewhere with Lucy over the weekend, and I was trying to pick out music that we could listen to on our trip. So I looked at her CD collection, which is about 8 CDs.

This is what I found, from left to right:

1) Aly and AJ (two CDs) (otherwise known as the girls from the disney channel)
2) Dispatch (a somewhat cool band, although they suck kind of)
3) Norah Jones (.......yeah)
4) O.A.R. (This is the only one that's okay with me)
5) Frank Sinatra (cool guy, you might have heard of him)
6) Ben Harper (kind of a hippie)
7) Justin Timberlake (This man has no business in music. I used to be obsessed with him. Then I turned nine)

So as I was criticizing her music collection, I was drinking a beer (duh). As I left the room, I totally planned to come back, as I was just checking my phone. She didn't know that. So, apparently, she told me that she didn't know if I was going to come back to her room, and to answer her own question, she looked around to see if I left my beer in there. So this is what my life has come to. People wondering where I am and looking for my beer. "Is she coming back?" "Oh I don't know, is her beer in here?" As disappointing as it may sound, I'm kind of proud of this.


Anywhores.

-Jenny

"Well, I don't know. How would you hold an imaginary pipe?"

You know what's cooler than this? NOTHING. Santa, if you are reading this, please put this in my stocking. Because it would definitely fit. Just don't throw it down the chimney because it would get dirty.

So during a scary movie discussion with a co worker, The Grudge came up. Now, last time I saw the Grudge, I was 16 years old. And I never "saw" it because my eyes were closed the entire time. But nonetheless, it's pretty freggin scary. There are multiple explanations as of to why this movie is so frightening.

1) It was made by Japanese people. For some odd reason, the Japs are terrific horror movie makers. It's like they put the same amount of concentration in horror movies as they would math.

Maybe they are just trying to scare Godzilla away once and for all.

2) Most of the characters in the movie are in fact Japanese. For some reason, this scares me.

3) If the characters aren't Japanese, they are Sarah Michelle Gellar. Which rubs me the wrong way. (I could have been such a jerk and said "which rubs me the WONG way", but that would just be mean. As if everything I just said isn't mean at all.) But honestly, Sarah Michelle Gellar? Go back to having sex your brother in Cruel Intentions.

4) What's up with all the fucking hair?

5) Phones shouldn't ring right after they are smashed to pieces.

6) There is always going to be something hiding in your bed.

7) Going back to scary Japanese people. Boys who hide in closets and scream in a non-human way when you open the door?! Nuff said. During the whole movie I'm just screaming for this little Japanese boy to GO AWAY AND STOP SHOWING UP EVERYWHERE. Yes, we know you were murdered (woops, spoiler alert) and we know you're angry about it, but WHY AREN'T YOU HAUNTING GODZILLA?! He's the one you want! Leave Sarah Michelle Gellar alone! I know she's not Japanese and doesn't belong in this movie, but she's just a reporter!!! (Wait, was she? Or am I confusing this movie with The Ring?)

Anyway, I'm thinking about watching both of these movies, since I have technically not seen any of them. When I asked my co worker if he thinks I could make it through the movies, he said "no."

But anyway. Nothing is really new except for the fact that I walked straight into a wall this weekend. Without having any alcoholic beverages. And a few days before that I sat on my foot in a weird way, forgot that it fell asleep as I was sitting there, got up and almost fell right into my TV.

Well, I think I've trashed The Grudge enough, but I WILL watch them. During the day where nothing can hurt me. And then I will come back here and write a more descriptive post. Because once again, I have seen about 15 minutes of both movies combined.

-Jenny

Sally can't get band names right.

So this past weekend was pretty much a sister weekend. I want to start out this post with Friday night.

So, Sally and Lucy wanted to see Breaking Dawn, so of course, I wanted to go with them. Even though I'd already seen it twice. So we're on our way to the theater, and Lucy goes, "Oh! We forgot to make Cullen-tinis!" (FYI I have no idea what Cullen-tinis are). So we decide that we can just make them when we get home from the movie. Then Lucy says "although we don't have the stuff to make them..." and then I say "we can just make any drink Twilight related. Rum and Coke? You mean...Rum and CULLEN!"

So then we get to the theater and I notice that the same kid is working that worked when I bought my tickets for the midnight showing a few weeks ago. So as I am buying my ticket, he says "so how many times is this?" and I totally lie and say "oh just my second." Because seeing a movie twice isn't nearly as bad as seeing it three times. But I'm totally done, until it comes out on DVD. That is NOT a promise.

So for those of you who do not know, Sally is musically retarded. We have the exact same conversation every time a certain song comes on. Normally, when a song comes on, I usually bet Sally a different amount of money, depending on difficulty. I've offered her everywhere from 50 cents to 500 dollars to everything in my bank account. She has not answered one correctly yet.

So, this certain song has happened on more than one occasion. And that song is "Two Princes" by the Spin Doctors. This exact same conversation has happened twice in the last two months.

Me: I'll give you everything in my bank account if you can tell me who sings this song.
Sally: Sublime???!!
Me: No. I'll give you another guess for 100 dollars.
Sally: Green Day?!

It was funny when it happened the first time, but when it happened a second time, I almost peed my pants. Which reminds me of another time when we were listening to that song by Lupe Fiasco. You know, the one where he used a Modest Mouse song because rap artists don't have enough talent to make their own songs. So Sally comes out with, "oh I know who normally sings this song. Mighty Mouse!"

This is also the girl who thought that the song "Kings and Queens" by 30 Seconds To Mars was sung by Kings of Leon, because "they both have the word Kings in them".

During a conversation about favorite Christmas songs, Lucy asked me what mine was, and I replied with , "my favorite is Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. Oh and Dominic the Donkey. Oh and you know I love that one with the whipping horses sounds in the middle." Thinking about how these are the top three songs that come to mind, I'm starting to wonder if there is something the matter with me. Then I stop myself from thinking such awful things and say "No Jen, there is DEFINITELY something the matter with you."

But I think I figured that out when I was a little girl and decided that I wanted to be a little boy instead. There's just something about a little girl demanding boy underwear from her mother at the department store that screams "problem child!" And also while getting a Happy Meal, when they used to ask if I wanted a girl toy or a boy toy, I would yell that I wanted a boy toy. It was like, "Screw that shit, I don't want a freggin barbie doll, I want the hot wheels!" But I've accepted the fact that I am not a boy, nor ever will be. And so I wear normal underwear now, just sayin.

PS. This is my husband.


-Jenny