So we had Sally's bachelorette weekend in Newport. And it was very fun. One thing I'd like to discuss is something that happened during out wine tasting.
Now, for those that don't know me all that well, which is pretty much none of you, I'd like to put it on the record that I am a beer drinker. This is obvious. However, I do drink wine from time to time. Just white though. Red wine tastes like licking rubber.
So at this wine tasting, you were to choose five different wines that you wanted to taste. Easy enough. I found that on the table were oyster crackers and a big vase of water. The crackers were to try your wine with, and I wasn't really sure about the water. So the wine tasting goes on, and we are going onto our second glass of wine. So Lucy and Sally take the water container and pour a little bit into their glass. I, of course, follow suit, and say "oh, for cleansing the pallet, right?" to which they didn't really reply to. Maybe they thought I was kidding.
I obviously didn't see what they were doing, so I just poured some water into my glass, drank it, swished it around like Listerine, and dumped the rest of it out into the designated bucket. I saw nothing wrong with this.
As the tasting went on, I looked around. To my surprise, I saw everyone pouring water into their glass, swishing it around, and dumping it out into the designated bucket. I thought maybe that just that one couple that maybe felt like not drinking it, and so I looked to the next couple. To my dismay, they did the same thing. They weren't drinking the water at all! It was here that I put the puzzle pieces together. The water wasn't for cleaning your mouth, it was for cleaning the glass.
I am a beer drinker. I am not a wine expert. I have no idea what the Christ you do with the water at a wine tasting. Now I do. You do not drink it.
But anyways. We were driving down to Newport and I noticed a sign about littering. I see these all the time, but I never stopped to think about it. It says some shit like "Littering: fines $500-$2,000." I couldn't help but laugh out loud because I was trying to distinguish the difference between a $500 fine and a $2,000 fine. And I only came to this conclusion. If you throw a McDonald's cup out the window, you get fined a low amount. However, the day you throw a COUCH out the window, that's when you pay a couple G's. Although I have no idea who would throw a couch out the window. Maybe someone was like, "my cheating WHORE of a GIRLFRIEND cheated on me on THIS couch!" and then heaves it out the window while they're driving on the freeway. But then realizes shortly after, "aw damn. Now I've got nothing to sit on when I watch 'The Price is Right'". But by then the cops have already caught them and fined them $2,000.
Speaking of retards. I was at the mall in Taunton a few weeks ago (I know, big mistake) and I saw a group of four girls in the food court. And they were wearing onesies. All four of them. This brings up many questions on my part:
1) Excuse me, tweenies. Shouldn't you be in school!?
2) Why the CHRIST are you all wearing onesies? It's cute when you wear them to bed, but when you wear them to the mall, you're a DUMBASS.
3) Don't you guys know that spells "w-h-i-t-e-t-r-a-s-h"?
4) Do you really need onesies to eat lunch?
and finally...
5) Why the fuck are you looking at me and laughing? I'm not the one that is dressed in children's pajamas at the goddamned MALL.
I seriously don't know which one's worse, Taunton or Carver. They both involve people that look like they just came out of the sewers. Freakin Garbage Pail Kids.
Goodnight.
-Jenny
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