I Flipped Off An Old Man Today.

Reader's note: I started this post in early January. I am now just picking it back up. That is all. Please continue.

Okay, first of all, I'd like to describe the living situation I have currently in my house. Here it is:

We don't put the heat on. Like at all.

AND, whenever I sneak around and secretly turn the heat on (not unlike Oliver Twist sneaking around, all dirty and grimy, asking for another piece of bread or whatever the fuck he was asking for), my dad almost INSTANTLY bombs the thermostat, looking around like somebody just got shot, saying "who turned up the thermostat to 60 in the middle of winter?!" And I'm all like "OH, I'm sorry dad. I can SEE my BREATH. My bad. I'll just go ahead and turn this back off."

Anyway. I thought talking to yourself was a bad thing in general. Then, I started paying more attention to my everyday life, and here is what I realized. Alongside talking to myself, I started doing it in different voices. Like, I would say something in my own voice, and then I would repeat it in...sort of like a Gremlin voice. Then I would say something else in a sort of "Mr. Bean" voice. Then I laugh hysterically at myself. I think this is where the line between "a little crazy" and "batshit fucking looney tunes out to lunch crazy" is drawn.

Anyway. Speaking of crazy...I've now lost track of how many times I've seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I lost count after five.

Well, the Oscars went down on Sunday night. That was interesting to watch. Seth Macfarlene made fun of the movie "Flight" with sock puppets, then sang a song about boobs. My favorite actress won best actress and tripped up the stairs on her way to the stage. I almost cried when Anne Hathaway made her speech. And I also almost cried when the Les Mis cast sung a buncha songs. Then I got up and left while Adele sang her stupid fucking song.

Speaking of, I find it incredibly funny that KELLY OSBOURNE was back in the studio watching the ten million hours of red carpet shit and picking apart every woman and their dresses. I'm sitting here all like, "Kelly, you have PINK HAIR and your father looks like a zombie and is dumber than a potato, and you're saying that ANNE HATHAWAY'S dress looks bad? And you're what, some sort of fashion barista? Look at you, I feel like I should hit you with a bat and gather up all the candy that comes out, you dumb pinata."

But that's just this person's opinion.

I find it also funny that last month when I originally started writing this post, I had named it "I Flipped Off An Old Man Today." It's funny because just the other day I flipped off a group of 10-12 year olds. Why did I do it? They almost made me run them over with my car. You see, my neighborhood kids aren't like smart neighborhood kids. When they're rollerblading (nobody has told them yet that rollerblading is for the gays), and they see a car coming, they don't get the fuck out of the way. So, I have to sit and wait until they feel like slowly moving out of the road. Then what happens when I start to drive? They basically run into my car. These kids have brains the size of dried up raisins.

Anyway, some part of me wished that I did nudge him a bit. Not to get him seriously hurt, maybe have him just fall down or like a sprained wrist or something. Nothing too extreme.

I'll end with that.

-Jenny