Disclaimer! This is a post I had started a few months ago but never finished. Some of this material may be old. Such as my sister's puppy being a small puppy and the parts about me being sad, dateless, and single on Friday nights. Yes, it's hard to believe that someone has finally found me attractive and tolerable, even thought I burp all the time and pick my nose.
You know what's funny? My sister has this new black lab puppy named Colby, and he just wants to be friends (we think) with my cat Diego. Of course, Diego wants absolutely NOTHING to do with him, because he's a little punk ass. Diego is like an old woman who doesn't want to be friends with a 16 year old boy who wears his pants riding low on his ass and listening to loud rap music. That's the relationship here. So my brother-in-law, Franklin, thinks that his "badass clumsy puppy" can kick the shit out of my ninja awesome stealth cat. I really hate to have this argument with him, but every time I get, I simply tell him that no, he cannot, and if he wants to put it to the test...Diego and I are so game. She will knock Colby's dick in the dirt so fast that he won't even know that he HAD a dick.
Nothing else is really new, I lead a boring life. Franklin threw a surprise Master's graduation party for my sister Sally and when we were pulling up to the house, she thought it was for me. Yeah Sally, you just graduated with a MASTER'S DEGREE and I just sit on the couch all day until I work the overnight shift at Shaw's, this party is totally for me and all my well-doings. Everyone is totally going to bow to me when I walk in and kiss my feet. Idiot, this party is for you because you're smart.
At said party, my 11 year old cousin was there with her boyfriend. It was here that I realized that I should probably feel bad about myself. Because she is here with her boyfriend and here I am, drinking a shit ton by myself and staring at my ever growing beer belly and wondering, "why don't I have a boyfriend?" then realizing shortly after, "oh right, that's why."
The same thing happened a few Friday nights ago. Where my little cousin came over with this boyfriend of hers. I was in the pool (on like, my eleventh beer) wearing my yellow sunglasses and wondering if anybody realized that I was peeing in the pool. (25 and single on a Friday night, bitches!) And I was basically finding myself constantly saying in my head, "WHY DON'T YOU TWO GET A ROOM!" even though at 11 years old you don't do anything besides eat lunch together at school and play online games with each other. MAYBE hold hands, but that's a major stretch. You're a BALLER if you do that at 11.
But anyway.
Now that we have a pool table, my dad has been super anal about it. (hah). I'm surprised he lets us play at all. So, the other day, my mom and I realized that there's a little scratch on the fabric. My mom was freaking out, but said that he hadn't noticed it yet. (This is seriously tiny, by the way). So every time he would come and play, we would all hold our breath when he would go close to it. This probably went on for 3 weeks.
It is now, when my dad bought a tv to put in the pool room. When he was setting the tv up, he laid out all the accessories on the table. (Which is surprising to me, as he basically doesn't even let you breathe near it.) And yes, it is here where he sees it, the scratch!
(Disclaimer: I was not here for this, this is coming from my mother)
I guess he asked my mom "what the hell this was" and she had said she didn't know, and then this is what she did......
SHE BLAMED IT ON HIM! SHE TOTALLY DID!
She said that it must have happened when he put a buncha shit on the pool table! This lady has got balls!
But it serves him right, because this is the man that makes a whole buncha dumb mistakes and blames it on everybody else. Like the time where he RAMMED into my Volvo and blamed it on me. This happened while I was sleeping.
This is also the guy that fell asleep outside last night.
Anyways, I guess that's it for now. When I think of something funny, I will be sure to write it down so I can remember, instead of writing these short posts every two years.
-Jenny.
